This month is the 10-year anniversary or my mom’s passing. I still can’t believe it’s been 10 years since she’s been gone and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her or reminded of the many lessons she taught me.
To honor her I thought I’d share one of the most memorable and valuable lessons I learned from my mother. Keep in mind my mom was a PHD’d educator, adult education principle and public school administrator at the time. Enjoy
I was 19 years old, had just completed my second year of college and invited my mom out to lunch. She immediately knew something was up because I had never invited her out in my entire life. Now that I have two boys of my own, I can only imagine what this conversation must have sounded like coming from her youngest son’s mouth.
I boldly announced to her that I was going to drop out of school that year and start touring the country with my Rock-n-Roll Band—YEAH BABY!
Now I’m certain my mom wasn’t too happy with this decision, how could she be? Remember, PHD, Public school administrator, lifelong learner. Education was extremely important to her so I know she was disappointed with this decision. But in that moment, she showed up in a way that completely redefined the terms of our adult relationship… She didn’t let me know how disappointed she was. In fact, she did just the opposite. She showed understanding, she asked questions, she wanted to know all about my grand plan, and it was clear she was all in.
Looking back on it, I think she realized how passionate I was about my band and that she wasn’t going to change my mind and maybe that’s what truly got her on board with the whole thing. The reality is it doesn’t matter why it only matter what she did.
I share this with you because people in our lives that we care for deeply, aren’t always going to do what we want them to do. In fact, they will make decisions that may disappoint us or cause us to question their choices.
In that moment you really have 2 options:
You can criticize them, belittle their decision, dismiss their choice, and caste judgement or blame on them for letting you down.
Or you can do what my mom did and seek to show understanding, ask lots of questions, show interest and support for the decisions even when you disagree with it.
Either of these choices can build something meaningful that can last a lifetime and beyond, or destroy that relationship for just as long. How you show up is on you. Choose wisely my friends.
Remember no matter how you feel about the decisions made by those you care for- People don’t do things TO you, they do things for THEMSELVES. How we choose to show up in those moments makes all the difference.
Cheers to you and showing some understanding
One Quarter Turn at a Time
Thoughts for the week:
We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. –Martin Luther King
Sometimes we create our own heartbreak through expectations. -Unknown
Do things for people not because of who they are or what they will do in return, but because of who you are. -Harold Kushner
Looking forward to our next connection
Coach Tim
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