A lot of my clients care deeply about their teams.
That’s a good thing.
In fact, I’d argue that empathy is one of the characteristics that separates good leaders from great ones.
But lately I’ve noticed something happening in many of my coaching conversations.
People are confusing caring with carrying.
They’re not the same thing.
As a leader, you should care about your team’s success.
You should care when someone is struggling.
You should care when a team member is facing a challenge at work or even in their personal life.
But at some point, many leaders cross an invisible line.
Instead of caring about the problem, they start carrying the problem.
They lose sleep over it.
They replay conversations in their head.
They absorb the stress, frustration, and anxiety of the people around them.
Before long, they’re carrying the weight of their own responsibilities plus everyone else’s.
And that’s exhausting.
I’ve coached leaders who spend more time worrying about their team’s problems than their own.
Not because they’re weak.
Not because they’re ineffective.
Because they care.
The problem is that carrying someone else’s burden doesn’t actually solve it.
In many cases, it simply creates two overwhelmed people instead of one.
One of the most important leadership lessons you can learn is this:
You can support someone without owning their problem.
You can listen without absorbing.
You can care without carrying.
The next time someone brings you a challenge, ask yourself a simple question:
“Is this my problem to solve, or is it my role to support them while they solve it?”
That one question can save you an incredible amount of stress and emotional energy.
Quarter Turn Action Step
Pay attention to the challenges you’re carrying this week.
How many of them are actually yours?
Pick one burden you’ve been carrying for someone else and hand it back to its rightful owner.
You can still care.
You can still support.
You can still coach.
Just don’t carry what was never yours to carry.
One Quarter Turn at a time.
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