Who’s Your Venting Buddy?

Recently, I facilitated a session for a leadership team around managing stress in the workplace, which seems to be an extremely popular subject these days.

Stress is inevitable, and there is no single way to effectively manage it. Whatever you do that helps you achieve the outcome you’re looking for without damaging important relationships is probably a pretty good strategy.

Many of the strategies we discussed you’ve probably heard before.

Things like:

• Take a step back
• Give yourself time to process
• Practice deep breathing
• Shift your focus to something else
• Practice gratitude
• Journal
• Ask questions
• Slow down
• Listen to music
• Take a walk or exercise

Then someone mentioned one I hadn’t heard phrased quite this way:

Find a VENTING BUDDY.

I just like the way that sounds.

What is a Venting Buddy?

A venting buddy is usually someone within your organization, or at least within your close circle, who you can vent to about whatever or whomever is creating frustration.

These are people who understand you and what you’re going through in your daily experience.

But here’s an important distinction.

Your venting buddy isn’t just someone who agrees with everything you say.

They’ll absolutely listen to you, but a good venting buddy also has your best interests in mind and is willing to call you on your BS, your Belief Systems, when they seem a little out of whack or unreasonable.

These are the people you don’t have to tiptoe around or choose every word carefully.

When we’re stressed or emotional, it can be difficult to find the exact words to describe our frustrations. A venting buddy is a trusted partner who gives you a safe place to work through some of those emotions without worrying that what you say will come back to bite you later.

Or, put simply:

“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”

Venting Isn’t Dumping

Let’s be clear.

Your venting buddy isn’t someone you simply lash out at or unload nasty or vindictive thoughts on.

There’s a difference between processing frustration and constantly dumping negativity onto someone else.

Even the best organizations can create stress and frustration in the way they go about doing business.

That’s why we PAY people to be there and call it WORK.

But a true venting buddy relationship isn’t a one-way deal.

You have to be willing to reciprocate and be there when your venting buddy experiences stress and needs someone to hear them out.

Too often, workplace relationships like this only serve one person’s needs.

Eventually, one person simply wears out their welcome and the other becomes a dumping ground for all their issues and insecurities.

Remember, your venting buddy isn’t your psychologist.

They get to have a bad day too.

Don’t Bring Every Frustration Home

I would also add one important caution.

Be careful about making the person you go home to every night your only venting buddy.

Of course you’re going to share frustrations from work with the people closest to you. That’s part of being in a relationship.

But they also deserve more than a nightly download of everything that went wrong during your day.

They’re probably one of the reasons you work so hard in the first place.

So if every conversation starts with everything that frustrated you at work, it might be worth asking:

Is this really how I want to engage with the person I claim is one of the most important people in my life?

Quarter Turn Questions

This week, ask yourself:

Who is my venting buddy?

How do I engage with them?

Am I reciprocating the relationship and allowing them to vent as well?

Have I turned someone I care about into a dumping ground for my daily frustrations?

And if I don’t currently have a venting buddy, who is someone I trust enough to fill that role?

Sometimes we don’t need someone to solve the problem.

We just need someone we trust enough to listen while we work our way through it.

Find yourself a good venting buddy.

And just as importantly…

Be a good one in return.

Until next time,

Here’s to you and your continued success.

One Quarter Turn at a Time.