For some reason human nature wires us to always compare ourselves to others. As we look at others who seemingly have more or are better at certain things, it seems our natural inclination is usually to beat ourselves up, or engage in negative self-talk that never seems to be productive, at least from my experience.
In that moment when our “inner-doubter” shows up, we often feel the need to start “proving” ourselves, or as one psychologist said, “hustle our self worth.”
Think about how many times you’ve said something or done something totally illogical all in the need to prove yourself to someone. In fact, many of my coaching discussions revolve around this very topic, which is not an easy conversation to have.
To really change this dynamic one has to be willing to become extremely self-aware of how they react or show up in certain situations, and unfortunately from my experience most are unwilling to do just that.
Think about it for a moment. If you are constantly out there hoping to prove yourself, you are essentially engaging in a zero sum game because even in the rare instance that you feel you actually succeed, you’ve already hard-wired your brain to seek out a new area of information which you need to prove yourself all over again.
This self-defeating process repeats itself over and over again creating a feeling of never accomplishing anything, and certainly an inability to celebrate success. I call is focusing on the hole instead of the donut.
The shift comes when we start training ourselves to look at our perceived areas of deficiencies, as opportunities to improve ourselves. This small shift, or Quarter Turn, in your thinking pattern can create an amazing sense of value and accomplishment once you make it a habit.
Once you train yourself to look at others’ skills, of those who seemingly have “more,” or are “better” than you, as a chance to improve yourself and your skills to move closer to that which you want, that sense of guilt or deflation actually goes away. You have now given your brain a specific and measurable problem on which to focus your conscious and unconscious attention. Just like a GPS mapping system, your brain now goes into hyper-drive and allows you to achieve at a much higher level.
This week ask yourself a few simple questions:
Where in my business or my life am I focused on proving myself to someone or others? What impact do I make on me and on my team when I do that?
Take this same perceived deficiency and decide what skillset you are going to focus on improving in order to obtain the outcome you are looking for.
Ask yourself what the impact will be from changing your thinking pattern.
Stop proving and start improving today.
Thoughts for the week:
“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, then you have already forgotten your value” –Unknown
“In every aspect of our lives we are always asking ourselves, How am I of value? What is my worth? Yet I believe that worthiness is our birthright” –Oprah Winfrey
“Self-worth comes from one thing-thinking you are worthy” –Wayne Dyer
“Your self worth has nothing to do with your craft or your calling and everything to do with how you treat yourself” –Kris Carr
“Anger, resentment and jealously doesn’t change the heart of others, it only changes yours” –Shannon Alder
“What we know matters, but who we are matters more” –Brene Brown
Looking forward to our next conversation